Do you want a divorce？
Many married couples today are asking why is divorce not allowed in the Church. With the differing circumstances and situations among married couples, many are pushing for the approval of divorce in the Church. For me, that’s a valid question knowing that there are couples who are struggling in their married life. Or maybe others have some sort of doubts whether or not it is still necessary to continue their relationship.
In any case, let’s look at the Church. So, what is the stand of the Catholic Church?
Unfortunately (for those people thinking it should be allowed) or fortunately, the Roman Catholic Church does not recognise divorce even today. So, if you hear some news regarding a church which allows divorce, then that is not the Catholic Church.
Although some countries approve its validity, where a married person can engage into another marriage, the Catholic Church still recognises that the marriage in the first act is still valid and continues “in the eyes of the Church.” In other words, there is no end of contract in marriage. Once a marriage is contracted, it is understood as “for eternity.” Yes. Once it’s done, it’s a done deal!
Divorce is understood as the right or capacity of a married person to engage into “another” marriage after a failed marriage. But for the Church, only death can allow a married person to remarry if there are grounds for annulment.
In the case of ending a marriage, there is what we call annulment. Annulment is “a declaration of nullity of a certain marriage. It is a judgement of the Church determining that a marriage was invalidly contracted due to some technicalities. In this case, when a married person applies for annulment, it is understood that the marriage was invalid because of some impediments.” Some examples of these impediments are impotency, physical and emotional abuses, psychological issues, to mention a few.
For this reason, the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed. In this case, the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged. (CCC 1969)
Among married couples, some are facing different struggles and problems. In fact, I hear from other people that some couples pretend to remain in their relationship not because of love but because of the children. Or for some, for the sake of the family image.
We may ask the question, “then why still remain in that kind relationship?” Do some married individuals have no right to find another relationship which can make their life more meaningful? This is the dilemma that most couples are facing nowadays. Other married individuals are forced to remain in relationship because they have no other choice. Some are caught into a relationship where there is no mutual love and respect.
But the deeper question we can ask maybe is to see what married life is really meant to be and is all about.
This is very crucial especially for those who want to enter a married life. Married life is not so much about being married for the sake of marriage. It is not even for the reason of having children or simply to have someone whom you can depend on in life.
But more that, marriage is a commitment. It is not a coated romantic love life. It is a relationship that goes beyond one’s happiness or security. It is giving of oneself for the other. That is why, it is really important to have a deeper relationship with someone before entering into marriage because once a marriage is contracted, it will be very difficult to get out.
While the Catholic Church is still insistent in its declaration of no divorce, we should see that the real intent is not that it does not see or understand the situations among married individuals. Moreover, the no divorce rule is not to burden the families with marriage problems but to give emphasis on the importance of family coupled with sacrifice, respect, commitment and love.
In the end, I always believe that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship or family. At times, we may be caught into a difficult situation which at times makes us think of giving up. But the secret lies still on ones’ capacity to love better and to trust God even more when a relationship is being tested.
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